Understanding What a Wake Is
A wake is a social gathering held in connection with a death, typically taking place before the funeral service. During a wake, family members, friends, colleagues, and community members come together to pay their respects to the deceased, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and share memories and stories about the person who has passed away. Wakes serve as an important part of the mourning process, providing a space for collective grief, remembrance, and support.
The term "wake" has roots in the Old English word "wacu" and the Old Norse word "vaka," both meaning to keep watch or stay awake. Historically, wakes involved family members and friends sitting with the body of the deceased throughout the night, keeping vigil until the burial. While modern wakes have evolved significantly from these ancient traditions, the core purpose remains the same: to honor the dead and comfort the living.
The History and Origins of Wakes
The tradition of holding a wake dates back thousands of years and can be found in cultures around the world. In ancient civilizations, watching over the dead served both practical and spiritual purposes. Before modern medicine and embalming techniques, there was always a small possibility that a person pronounced dead might actually be unconscious or in a deep coma. The wake provided a period of observation to ensure that the person was truly dead before burial.
In many cultures, the wake also had spiritual significance. The presence of family and friends around the body was believed to protect the deceased's spirit from evil forces and to ensure a safe passage to the afterlife. In Irish tradition, which has had a particularly strong influence on wake customs in the United States, the wake was an elaborate affair that could last for several days and involved storytelling, music, food, and drink.
The Irish wake tradition is perhaps the most well-known in Western culture. Traditionally held in the family home, Irish wakes were community events where neighbors and friends gathered to share stories about the deceased, sing traditional songs, and celebrate the person's life. While there was genuine grief and mourning, Irish wakes also had a festive quality that reflected the belief that death was a transition rather than an ending.
Modern Wake Traditions
In contemporary practice, wakes have taken on a variety of forms that reflect the diverse cultural and religious backgrounds of the families who hold them. In the United States, a modern wake is most commonly held at a funeral home and typically lasts for a few hours on the evening before the funeral. The body of the deceased may be present in either an open or closed casket, depending on the family's wishes and cultural traditions.
During a wake at a funeral home, the casket is usually placed at one end of a visitation room, often surrounded by floral arrangements, photographs, and personal mementos of the deceased. Family members typically stand or sit near the casket to receive visitors, who approach to view the body (if it is an open casket), offer condolences, and share brief memories or words of comfort.
Some families choose to hold the wake at their home, a church, a community center, or another meaningful location. Home wakes are less common today than they were in past generations, but they remain an important tradition in many communities. A home wake can provide a more intimate and personal atmosphere than a funeral home, and it allows the family to honor the deceased in familiar surroundings.
Wake vs. Visitation vs. Viewing
The terms "wake," "visitation," and "viewing" are often used interchangeably, but there are subtle differences between them depending on regional customs and religious traditions. A visitation is a general term for a period when friends and family can visit the bereaved family and pay their respects. It may or may not include the presence of the body.
A viewing specifically refers to an event where the body of the deceased is present, typically in an open casket, for visitors to see. Not all wakes include a viewing; some families choose a closed casket or do not have the body present at all. A viewing can be part of a wake or can be a separate event held at a different time.
A wake is generally the most comprehensive of these terms, encompassing the social gathering, the opportunity to pay respects, and often the presence of the body. However, the specific meaning and customs associated with each term can vary significantly by region, religion, and cultural background. When in doubt, it is always appropriate to ask the funeral director or the bereaved family about the specifics of the event.
Religious and Cultural Variations
Wakes and similar pre-funeral gatherings are observed in many different religious and cultural traditions, each with its own customs and practices. In the Catholic tradition, the wake (also called the vigil) often includes prayers, the recitation of the rosary, and readings from Scripture. The body is typically present in an open casket, and a priest or deacon may lead the prayer service.
In the Jewish tradition, the equivalent of a wake is the period of sitting shiva, which takes place after the burial rather than before it. During shiva, which lasts for seven days, the bereaved family stays at home and receives visitors who come to offer condolences and support. Mirrors in the home are covered, and mourners sit on low chairs as a sign of grief.
In many African American communities, the wake is known as a homegoing celebration, reflecting the belief that the deceased is going home to be with God. These events often feature music, singing, scripture readings, and tributes from family and friends. The atmosphere can range from solemn and reflective to joyful and celebratory, depending on the family's wishes and the community's traditions.
In some Asian cultures, wakes can last for several days and involve elaborate rituals, offerings, and ceremonies. Buddhist wakes, for example, may include chanting by monks, incense burning, and the offering of food and other items to the deceased. Hindu traditions include a period of mourning that may involve cremation rituals, prayer services, and the gathering of family and friends to support the bereaved.
Wake Etiquette for Attendees
Attending a wake can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable, especially if you have never been to one before. Understanding basic wake etiquette can help you feel more confident and ensure that you show appropriate respect to the deceased and their family. The most important thing is to be present, be genuine, and follow the lead of the family and the funeral home staff.
When you arrive at a wake, sign the guest book if one is available. This provides a record of attendance and lets the family know who was there to pay their respects. Approach the casket if you feel comfortable doing so, and take a moment to pay your respects. If the casket is open, it is customary to pause briefly before it, say a silent prayer or moment of reflection, and then move on.
After visiting the casket, approach the family members who are receiving guests. Offer your condolences with a simple, sincere statement such as "I am sorry for your loss" or "Your mother was a wonderful person, and she will be missed." If you have a specific memory of the deceased, sharing it briefly can be a meaningful gesture. Avoid making comments about the appearance of the deceased or making comparisons to other deaths or losses.
Dress conservatively and respectfully. Dark or muted colors are traditional, although some families may request that guests wear specific colors or styles. Avoid wearing casual clothing such as jeans, t-shirts, or sneakers unless the family has indicated that a casual dress code is appropriate. When in doubt, err on the side of dressing more formally.
Planning a Wake
If you are responsible for planning a wake, working closely with a funeral director can help ensure that everything runs smoothly. The funeral director can help you choose a date, time, and location for the wake, arrange for the preparation and presentation of the body, and coordinate logistics such as parking, seating, and audio-visual equipment.
Consider the wishes and preferences of the deceased and the family when planning the wake. Some families prefer a quiet, solemn gathering with prayers and reflection, while others prefer a more social event with food, music, and storytelling. There is no right or wrong way to hold a wake; the most important thing is that it provides comfort and closure for the people who are grieving.
Practical considerations include providing refreshments for guests, arranging for childcare if needed, preparing a display of photographs and personal items, and designating family members or friends to serve as greeters and help direct guests. If the wake includes a prayer service or other formal program, prepare an order of events and make sure any speakers or participants know what is expected of them.
The Healing Power of Wakes
Wakes serve an important role in the grieving process by providing a structured opportunity for people to come together, share their grief, and support one another. Research in psychology and bereavement studies has shown that social support is one of the most important factors in healthy grieving, and wakes provide a natural setting for this support to take place.
For the bereaved family, the wake can provide a sense of community and connection during one of the most difficult times in their lives. Knowing that so many people cared about their loved one can be a source of great comfort. For friends and acquaintances of the deceased, attending the wake provides an opportunity to process their own grief and to show their support for the family.
The wake also serves as a bridge between the shock of the initial loss and the formality of the funeral service. It allows people to begin coming to terms with the reality of the death in a supportive environment before the final farewell of the funeral and burial. In this way, the wake is an essential part of the continuum of rituals and ceremonies that help individuals and communities navigate the experience of loss and begin the journey toward healing.
